By Matthew Bramlett |Managing Editor|
I was so completely shell-shocked at the sheer awfulness of “Movie 43,” the Farrelly Brothers’ new “comedy,” I refuse to believe it actually exists and consequently I have dismissed it as some sort of fucked up fever dream or a possible schizophrenic hallucination.
It is that bad. The film is such a colossal waste of twelve dollars that at the merciful end of the film you will feel cheated, as if Peter Farrelly pulled a Madoff and stole your hard-earned money through an elaborate money-for-laughs Ponzi scheme. And then he stole your bike.
I have read that since the film stars a bunch of A-list celebrities (as well as a few that the Farrelly offspring want us to think are A-list) who were basically working for free or nearly free, the film’s crew had to work around the actors’ schedules, with some scenes taking only two days to make and others taking months. Thus, “Movie 43” took nearly four years to make. Four years. This is more than enough time to reflect on what you’re doing and ask yourself, “Holy shit, why am I actively making the worst film of all time and possibly ruining my career and the careers of everyone around me?”
But the film went on, and this is what we’re left with. Kate Winslet gets rubbed in the face by a set of testicles that are attached to Hugh Jackman’s throat. Halle Berry mixes guacamole at a Mexican restaurant with an obviously prosthetic titty that looks like a brown balloon. A cartoon cat masturbates to pictures of Josh Duhamel.
The worst offense of all is that it’s not even funny. The film is full of the kind of scatological humor that isn’t humorous to a 12-year-old. It doesn’t even hit that kind of low-brow humor level that the Farrelly clan obviously intended to reach. “Movie 43” is just sad on every level imaginable.
Between each vignette, a story that was obviously rushed in an attempt to attach everything together involves Dennis Quaid (looking and acting like his insane brother Randy) threatening to murder a hapless studio executive (played by Greg Kinnear) if he doesn’t greenlight his script. It’s as if the Farrelly bros are trying to say, “Yeah? Well, we KNOW it’s bad! Haha, get it? We made a bad movie on purpose!” Fuck you.
This film is a gigantic metaphorical middle finger to anyone who likes to watch movies. The Farrelly brood, who have unbelievably created comedic gems like “Dumb and Dumber” and “There’s Something About Mary,” thinks you’re an idiot who will pay to watch anything with a few fart and 1,000 dick jokes in it.
My advice on how to treat this film? Wait until it comes out on DVD, go to your local Best Buy, shoplift a copy, take it out to a small field, douse it with lighter fluid and fucking burn it.