I started talking to this guy that is considered a “player,” how can I make it clear to him that I want him to date only me without sounding demanding or clingy?
-The Good Girl
Dear Good Girl,
One of the tricks to relationships is maintaining your power and setting up boundaries quickly.
The best way to maintain your power is to act like you have it already. Don’t text first, don’t call him, and most of all make sure he knows your the one being chased.
Here’s one simple rule I follow: If he calls and asks for a “same-day” date you say you’re busy even if you’re really not.
Do something for yourself that night like mani/pedi or a movie night with friends.
This sends him the message you don’t need him to have fun and that you could do with or without him. Guys hate that and at the same time love that you are independent. Men are weird that way.
There are of course exceptions to this way of dating, but I have found this method to be the most useful.
If you ever start to waver in your power role just remember the classic message in the book by Greg Behrendt He’s Just Not That Into You (It was a book long before the movie and has a lot more useful information too).
He basically says, if he’s not calling, or actively trying to nab you, then he’s just not that into you and not worth your time. There’s a lot of fish in the sea and you don’t want to waste your precious youth on someone whose not willing to go the distance.
Try some of these tactics on your “player” and see what happens. If he doesn’t fall into the role you want, I say kick him to the curb.
Because you shouldn’t have to have the “we’re exclusive” talk if he’s really into you; he’ll do that.
I like this person in class but I’m shy and afraid that they will reject me if I approach them. What’s a clever ice breaker to start talking to my crush?
– Shy Girl
Dear Shy Girl,
Oh how I enjoy the classroom romance!
A good tactic is to just befriend them. Start saying stuff like, “How’d you do on the quiz?” or “Did you do the reading?”
Just like the regular conversations that we have with our classmates on the daily.
I would recommend also asking other people around him too, so you don’t look like your targeting him specifically. We don’t want him getting anxious.
Then, after you’ve built up a generic friendship wait until the end of the quarter and ask if he’d like to go get some coffee, or lunch, or whatever you think would be most appropriate.
By waiting until the end of the quarter you can avoid that akwardness if he happens to say no.
And smile! Smile a lot. Guys like happy girls. Actually, everyone likes a happy girl.
Don’t worry about it either! If you’re stressed it’ll come off that way. Just fake it til you make it. The more you tell yourself how happy and confident you are the more you, and everyone else, will believe it.
Get it girl!
I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to buy hot dogs, but they come in packages of ten and the buns come in packages of eight. Do I buy more buns, or take out two of the hot dogs? Please help, asap!!!!
Dear Wiener Lover,
This is a classic dilemma for summer BBQ’ers everywhere.
You could just throw a big party. You’d have to buy 4 packages of hot dogs (40 total) and 5 packages of buns (total of 40) to avoid any lost wieners.
If you’re worried about cost try putting a jar out by the food that says “tip the cook” and hopefully if everyone throws about a dollar in for each dog you’ll break even.
Or you could get a dog. Dogs love left overs, especially meaty ones.
Happy eating to you!
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Ms. Matulionis is not a trained psychologist or physician. For matters of great circumstance please contact a professional.