By Loydie Burmah |Contributing Writer|
The very act of listening has become highly underrated.
It has become easier to ignore someone than to engage in well-mannered dialogue where ideas, experiences and perspectives can be respectfully exchanged.
It appears to me that most people are eager to speak, wanting to hear their own voice, than care about the content of their speech or whether or not the other person involved is breathing.
Furthermore, listening to speech that one does not agree with makes it easier to derail conversations.
Conversations become more about how one is offended and less about engaging in a thoughtful discussion where both parties are allotted opportunities to speak honestly.
It seems that altering speech for the sake of palatability has become a defensive method of protecting oneself from potential verbal onslaught.
It should be noted that this is not a matter of hurt feelings—or woe is me, for I am not being paid attention to!
It is a matter of assessing how there is a lack of assigning a basic level of respect when conversing with someone.
More often than not, the majority of conversations I’ve had seem like they do not meet criteria for what conversations should be.
That criteria being: active engagement, respectful, thoughtful and honest dialogue.
It is as if someone is endlessly (perhaps mindlessly) blabbering to me as if I’m a non-sentient being that has nothing of value to speak of.
I do not consider myself an expert listener, rather, a person who has had countless experiences where conversations are more one-sided than it would appear to be.
Which, ironically, has led some people to compliment my excellent listening skills.
Inadvertently, I would like to believe that I aligned myself with the theoretical views regarding dialogical communication posited by philosopher Martin Buber.
Buber’s notable work “Ich und Du” (1923) discussed I-Thou and I-It relational processes, conversation and existentialism.
When relating to another using an I-It approach, people are examined and treated as non-sentient objects to be experienced—not engaged with.
“The man who has become conscious of I, that is, the man who says I-It, stands before things, but not over against them in the flow of mutual action,” wrote Buber.
Objects are typically analyzed for their utility and disengagement between those conversing is created and established; one person is the subject (I), the other, the object (It).
“Now with the magnifying glass of peering observation he bends over particulars and objectifies them and arranges them as scenery, he isolates them in observation with any feeling of their exclusiveness, or he knits them into a scheme of observation without any feeling of universality,” wrote Buber.
Speaking from personal experience, I think that most “intellectual discussions” I’ve engaged in felt like selfish soapbox opportunities; in which I was a passive audience member (object).
Buber proposes that when engaging with anyone, an I-Thou approach should be utilized.
When employing I-Thou, a dialogical encounter occurs in which active participation between parties is established.
Neither participants become objects for manipulation or consumption, rather subjects that are equally engaged, and not subsumed by one another.
“If I face a human being as my Thou, and say the primary word I-Thou to him, he is not a thing among things, and does not consist of things,” stated Buber.
“I do not experience the man to whom I say Thou. But I take my stand in relation to him, in the sanctity of the primary word,” Buber.
I have experienced far too many situations in which discussions involve inattentive, insincere and uncaring participants.
Typically, those “conversations” either involve a technological device [being] used in one hand, empty eye contact along with nonverbals that signal disinterest or a drone-like monologue that ceases to end, like a horribly catchy, mainstream pop song.
Listening should be an active service of engagement but some researchers would posit that it is situationally dependent, and must be adjusted and agreed amongst parties involved.
In “The Science and Sanity of Listening,” Dr. Benjamin J. Cline argued that “the attempt to “be a good listener” by engaging in the activities that made one a good listener last time might fail because the situation has changed,” wrote Cline.
Furthermore, Cline cited previous studies completed by numerous researchers which purport that there are numerous listening styles as well as mindful and mindless listening.
Cline argued that because there are numerous variations of behavioral listening styles that must be considered defining “good” listening is essentially nonsensical.
“The ideal of perfection is unattainable and while one should always strive to be a better listener, one will never be a perfect listener,” wrote Cline.
I agree with Cline to an extent; the very idea of listening is difficult to truly understand and master.
However, that should not discourage one from mindfully staying engaged—regardless of the behavorial type, situation or discussion had.
It is how basic connections are established and relationships are formed.
If one can have the attention span for a six second Vine video, one should be able to have an engaging discussion for at least five minutes.
Although it is impossible to be a perfect listener, it is imperative to realize and understand that listening is a skill worth continuously cultivating.
If not, I imagine it will become to difficult listen to oneself.
Lack of listening only touches the surface at CSUSB. Why not do an article about filing academic fraud complaints and report how the president orchestrated his subordinates to act poorly. Morales, responsible tfor implementing executive orders and complying with CSU regs and the law, has gone rogue.
This means that no one is safe on the campus. Any part of that as a reporter you do not understand? There;s nothing Morales, Brian Haynes, Andrew Bodman and others will not conceal. Many fear lossing their jobs and are held hostage by Tomas Morales, who should be under a criminal investigation. CSU's poison has infected WASC Senior aka Western Association of School Accredidation, other words, CSUSB's Oct 2015, re accredidation is a fraud.
This all sounds very familiar. I reported an academic fraud and that my receipt of federal financial aid was a fraud to the dean, provost and president of Calif State University, San Bernadino. I was then accused of gross and violent misconduct, suspended, and later CSU attempted expulsion for simple outlining the academic fraud, plagiarism and the admissions fraud of Korean students w/o taking internationally recognized assessments for admission. The California DOJ conducted a civil investigation that the CSU chancellor's office will not release. CSUSB's tactics included non compliance on lawful procedures, threats, witness tampering, editing hearing transcripts, outlandish perjury, concealing material facts and concealing the fraud allegations. WASC Senior never addressed CSUSB gross disregard for procedural processes. Then I found out that at least four CSU officials or employees sit as WASC Senior commissioners.
WASC Senior conducted an ongoing non compliance issue and buried the academic fraud allegations along with the habitual abuse of procedural processes. WASC or is it CSU, now refuses as a public non profit to comply with transparency laws.
Two California State University president's serve on WASC Senior as the employer of the WASC staff that boondoggled the investigation on Cal State San Bernadino (their on the San Luis Obispo & Northridge campus) one CSU professor (Domingo Hills) is also a WASC commissioner. WASC is operated by California State University, University of California, Stanford, assorted education non profits, other, who have a clear conflict of interest. These public employees accredit and investigate their own campuses.
I had to beg my federal loan service provider, Great Lakes, for months to assist me in filing a federal Dept of Ed complaint. Great Lakes will not confirm the complaint nor am I actually participating in the process. It seems that Great Lakes, isn't able to assist me.