By Jason Samp |Staff Writer|
Looking through your significant others phone can create problems in your relationship, although most students believe it’s unacceptable behavior, others believe it can be justified.
Nearly everyone who is or has been in a relationship has experienced the situation where their significant other has left the room and you begin to wonder whether or not you should look through their phone.
However, there are two main outcomes, which sets up a lose-lose situation.
You will either find your partner is up to something and now you’re forced to confront them about it with your evidence coming from snooping, or you find nothing and you’ve violated that trust for no reason.
“It’s never worth the risk,” said Mae Shaar, graduate student. “It could create trust issues in a relationship.”
“Instead of snooping, it is always better to directly talk to your partner about whatever concern you might have,” continued Shaar.
Although students believe looking through your significant other’s phone is a bad idea, others believe it is justifiable.
“Well, if they have suspicion that maybe they might be cheating on them or knows they are but they deny it then it might be the only proof you can get,” said Andre Gonzales, student.
Marina Wood, a CSUSB advocate for survivors of sexual assault, dating/domestic violence and stalking, supplied some valuable insight on the matter.
“Well, if we are using the word “snoop” then we can already assume it is without consent, in which case it is not okay,” said Wood.
You might be wondering what you have to lose from going through your significant other’s phone.
“Speaking as the advocate for survivors, I would say that what you call “snooping” I might call “stalking” depending on how extreme it gets,” said Wood.
“This is a huge warning sign that someone is trying to track, follow, control, and/or isolate their partner, often using “jealousy” as an excuse.
It can go beyond being unhealthy and into abusive behavior.” she continued.
“This is a huge warning sign that someone is trying to track, follow, control, and/or isolate their partner, often using “jealousy” as an excuse. It can go beyond being unhealthy and into abusive behavior.” she continued.
Although an individual may think they’re simply looking through their partner’s phone, others may view it differently and believe the significant other is causing the relationship to be unhealthy.
“If someone distrusts their partner enough to go through their personal messages only to find no evidence of bad behavior, they might feel better temporarily,” said Wood.
“However, the downside is that if the underlying issue is distrust then the snooping behavior will most likely continue.”
If faced with the decision on whether you want to invade your partner’s privacy or not, consider some alternatives.
Confronting your partner over such concerns is the best way to solve problems. Address your concerns and get the information you need without being the one who violates the fragile aspect of trust in a relationship.
Also, consulting friends, family, or even a professional for advice can help you avoid the desire to snoop.
While you might brush this off as a light, temporary problem, snooping can have long-term effects on a relationship.
“Once an abuser has isolated their partner from their loved ones, it is much easier to control them and more difficult for the victim to ask for help or leave the relationship,” concluded Wood.
A final piece of valuable information that Wood offers when trust is addressed in a relationship is the acronym BRAVING by author/researcher Brene Brown.