Dating Violence Does Not Equal Love

M375/0009By Sandy Rodriguez | Staff Writer |

On campus, there have been 6 sexual assaults, 3 sexual harassments, 9 dating/domestic violence, and 3 stalking cases reported from July 6, 2015 to Oct. 15, 2015.

Nineteen reported victims are women and two are men. Emotional, mental, verbal and social abuse are forms of abuse aside from physical.

The Women’s Resource Center (WRC) held an event, Dating Violence Does Not Equal Love, that taught about the warning signs of dating violence. Some of the signs are extreme/unreasonable jealousy, possessiveness, and/or controlling behavior.

Hickies may be a sign of possessiveness, by marking one’s territory. Abusive relationships are about power and control. One person has all the power, the other has none.

Physical abuse can be pushing, punching, hair pulling, burning, choking, biting, holding, restraining, ditching, drunk driving; anything that puts your life in danger is abuse.

If you are choked, seek immediate medical attention. There can be internal injuries, which can cause death within 72 hours.

Emotional, mental, and verbal abuse can be, but is not limited to:

•extreme jealousy
•control of what you wear
or who you’re with
•threats or intimidation
•destruction of the victims
personal property
•violent threats to self
•yelling or screaming
•belittling accomplishments
or goals
•telling you that you are
worthless on your own
•frequently making you cry
•saying that no one but
him/her will love you

There is an online hashtag campaign, #ThatsNotLove, spreading awareness of the issue.

Survivor Sharquel McCoy said the hardest part of being in an abusive relationship was not knowing where to turn; she said she loved him so much she wasn’t sure what the right decision would be.

“I was more or less conflicted about leaving him and leaving someone who was good to me at some point and time, someone I know who can be good to me,” continued McCoy.

“I would advise anyone going through this situation to not give up and find what you loved or love about [yourself] and hold on to that love. Hold on… Hold on to the thing that made you, you or that made you happy,” said McCoy.

“Hold on to who you are as a person and continuously remind yourself that you are NOT the person you see yourself in the situation now. You are not weak. You are not selfish. You are supported,” added McCoy.

The WRC is available for any type of necessary resources for students. It is located in the Student Union, Room 223. They are available even if you simply need to talk. McCoy said most victims don’t see the signs of an abusive relationship.

“It is hard to be strong-minded and say ‘I’m getting out of this, I refuse’ because emotions are involved,” said McCoy.

For those who have loved ones who are abuse victims, be patient. It is frustrating to see the victim going through the cycle over and over again.

It is statistically proven that it takes victims approximately seven times to come to terms with the abuser, according to McCoy.

“Don’t push them to report, don’t push them to do a restraining order. All you can do is suggest and they will make their choice accordingly. Never give up on your friend and let them know you have their back no matter what they do, what they say, no matter what happens,” continued McCoy.

For help on campus, contact Maria Woods by email at or by phone at 909-273-7872. She is located in the Health Center, Room 165. Walk-ins and appointments are welcome.

Woods can help anyone affected by dating/domestic violence, sexual violence, and/or stalking. It is 100 percent confidential and her help is available to all students, faculty, and staff.

A 24-hour National Domestic Violence Hotline is also available for everyone at 800-799-7233.

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